Saturday, November 12, 2005

My Sex

http://uglydreams.blogspot.com/: MY REPLY TO THIS

When I was about 13/14, I realised that lust is not a bad word. Ours is a country wherein sex is only to produce babies, and marriage is love and sex only after marriage. So it was natural that I would think of the term ���lust��� as a dirty word, if I thought of it at all. But around that age I was feeling these things and was realizing that I was constantly fantasizing quite explicitly about the guy I loved, and one thing led to another and I figured that ���love at first sight; or ���crush��� can also be called lust or hormones. And that the term Love is actually this feeling of compatibility, friendship, comfort and this thing that will keep you caring about this other person, and wanting her/him sexually even after 15-20 years. I am 23, and I have never loved. I have never reached such heights and have never lasted that long with anyone. My best best friend, with whom I went around for like 3 years (of course we were very young) or more felt compatibility, friendship, comfort, but never had this thing called sex between us. Of course chemistry is not only a one off thing and sex begets sex. This friend and I never did anything sexual and thus never did anything sexual. If by chance(now by mistake) we had taken advantage of an empty house, we might have felt more than what we do for each other, but of course on the other hand we might have thought less of each other. Sex is so crazy that it muddles our brains and stops us from thinking.
And this other guy I went around with at 19, the very first moment I saw him I felt giddy and then never recovered. Some say I still pine for him (I���ll stop tomorrow), but it is not so much for his compatibility, friendship, comfort but for his touch. I know we can never be friends and I don���t want him as a friend, I just want him.And at this level that is love for me. Chemistry, lust, hormones, desire, the physical, body, these are synonyms for love. I do know better but I have not experienced it, and thus will continue saying ���love is lust���.

3 comments:

L>T said...

Lust is a biological urge. Therefore, human. Lust lasts a short time. (advice from an older woman)It's O.K. But, be careful because lust clouds the judjment, because it is so stronge. Love (not the movie kind)love takes longer to cultivate, it has to do w/trust. Falling in love usally means; falling in lust.
Sex w/lust is great but can be tricky.
Sex w/ love is the closest we get to the eternal.
Love involves sacrifice of the ego.
Lust feeds the ego.
But, lust keeps us young.

Siddharth said...

Interestingly enough I have noticed that a thoughtful mind nurtures complexities.
It raises questions, answers them, dissects the answers, discovers new questions...an endless pursuit, so to say.

Back then, when I was 13, my father remarked on having caught me tossing on the floor with our maid.."its hight time you should know a woman, to save a shame on Chhattisgarh"
Subsequently I learnt, that friends my age in my town hd solved the mysteries of life.
And here I was juggling with a two edged concept, Lust or love.
Cerebral Mechanics elude instinctual wisdom

beas hyphasis said...

wow I have been reading ur blogs for 3 hours straight now, all the archives and everything, and this has been the best the one I absolutely love!!!!!!!!!!!