Wednesday, May 31, 2006

life and all its seedy little friendships can go to hell.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

straight from the googleplex.

my favouritest cartoon of alltimes. though i have seen it only in hindi. it used to be aired on sony in the evenings, and now its shown on the disney channel at 10:30 in the night.

ps: am a supporter of dubbed channels, cos seriously how many can comprehend swift american or british english?? so long live naagshakti and garudwaar (slytherin and gryffindor on pogo)

pps: not that i mean that all understand hindi! disney also airs in telugu. and thats nice only toh!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

of brides and betel leaves.

I wanted to post a pic of my pretty cousin (one of my pretty cousins) to show that not all girls in my family are... you know......UGs.
but instead i chose this pic wherein if not pretty she is definitely looking the quintessential bengali bride (except i dunno if they smile or even laugh so widely)
In this pic we, her innumerable cousins were trying to teach her the right way of holding the betel leaf.

ooooof we bengalis.

home truths - 3

number of times i bathe on a weekday - 2
number of times i shampoo in a week - 6
number of times i brush my teeth in a day - 2 to 3
number of times i wear my fave jeans in a week- 5
last time i had washed it - 2 months ago.

heheheh....i dont smell i swear.

Friday, May 26, 2006

of 10 days in google.

what did i learn?

1) if you like food, you cannot stay fit at google.
2) i like pringles
my favourite till now is
sour cream and salt & vinegar.
3) smokers are sooooo
discriminated againest :(

and much much more.....but only if you are interested in
something called

the most important
thing was of course that,
the ball is the most comfortable
thing to sit on, and that there is dearth of the green ball (atleast on our floor)

he he.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

lament in grey

O hridayheena mone ki pore naa amaake!?

Why am I so melancholic tonight. Reading venus envy and am about to cry.i cry over cartoons so its not strange that I might want to cry over a comic strip. But I am not sure I am crying over zoe’s sweet pathetic life. I am crying over my sweet pathetic life. Its 11:32 now and I should be in bed by now since nowadays I wake up so early and stuff but am on the comp hoping somebody comes online and/or someone calls, though she did manage to sms and say she cant. Why? I don’t know.

I hate girls! Have I said that before? I hate how they make me feel.

O the heartless one don’t you ever think of me?

here's to women and here's to hoping i wasn't one.

I Can't Be Around Her
I've only to look at her

Or brush my hand against her hand
And this thing between my thighs
Starts to instantly expand.

I can't be around her
Without longing to touch her,
Without longing to hold her
Without longing to screw.
I can't be around her
Without longing to feel her,
Without longing to kiss her---
What the hell can I do?

I think of maggots in the mud,
I think of termites in the wood,
I think of gore and slime and blood,
But it does no good.

I can't be around her
Without longing to grab her,
Without longing to crush her,
Without brimming with lust;
I can't be around her
Without longing to lick her,
Without longing to eat her---
Any moment I'll bust!
Any moment I'll bust.

Friday, May 19, 2006

a taste of life of chocolate

And they say it’s a bad thing,
You’ll stray! They say.
Once you‘ve tasted
Chocolate topped with raisins,
In a bed of butter.
You will get off your diet.
They say.
But what’s life without beauty?
I ask.
What’s life without cheating the diet?
I ask.
What’s life without straying away from the straight path?
I ask.
What’s life without a nibble?
What’s life without a bite?
I ask.
What’s life without chocolate?
(picture by the author herself)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

in wait of rejection

They call me coward.
As I stand in the bylines
And sigh and sob
And make many such futile noises
Of frustration.
Of loneliness.
Of may be even relief.
For to approach
To get off that cold slab on which
I sit,
And approach
What is seemingly
Will bring smiles,
At last at the seeming
lack of my inhibitions,
on the faces of
all my detractors
and they may even laugh
at my failure to bring home
what seemed out of reach.
even now that I stand in front of you.
And you look at me,
Or through,
Or past me.
And I pray.
(My eyes shut)
Let me off kindly
For I will never again take this same road,
For I am a coward.

declaration of love only

I would have thought it spring
Or sunset,
Or the first drizzle of the year
And other such things
That make me stop and
Look around
And thank god,
For this earth
And this life
Had I not remembered
You smell of my happiness.

Friday, May 12, 2006

eh ! ?

Every time I open my mouth to speak
I realise.
I am making up the words as I go along.
And that is my forte,
Ladies and gentlemen,

This was supposed to stop right here,
But as fingers get comfortable on the keyboard
And MS word seems alluring once more,
I carry on thinking something will emerge.

Even as I write this
I feel the tail of an idea
Slip and slither around the corner,
and I fail to catch it.
Or have I caught it.

So many blogs I’ve read,
And many of them use the word ramble,
And apologise
For what they have there.

I am proud of my…
Will not call it the R word,
For already,
I’ve made
123 words.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

feminism today

This last month, two news items regarding women came into the public notice. One is the ruling that women workers will be allowed to work night shifts. I think it was also suggested that proper security be provided to these women labourers. And protests followed. An outraged group asked how could women be allowed to work the night shift? The other is that all dance bars were closed down in Mumbai this month. Thousands and thousands of bar dancers went out of job. They protested but no one heard. The reason being that these sleazy joints were a cover for prostitution.

Women working night shifts? Probably the first thing that would go through the worried father, or husband’s mind is sexual harassment. Some others could say it is a step towards professional equality, some others could argue that it is unfair to treat men and women equally since they come from different social structure even while living in the same society. And of course the one about the break down of the family because the women of the house would be out at night.

While the Mumbai dance girls are out of job. But will the government really care about their woes. They were probably prostitutes anyway.
This society (as most others) makes a definite distinction between the good girl and the bad. The good girl who can get sexually harassed at work place and should be thus protected, and the bad girl, who provide sexual favours in exchange of money, and who cry for their old jobs even when the state has put an end to their exploitation.

In reality, the thin line between these two kinds in so thin, that it can be crossed very easily by any girl, no matter what class or caste.

Woman or Whore?

The legal definition provided by court is as follows: ‘sexual harassment includes unwelcome sexually determined behaviour (whether directly or implied) as: physical contact and advances, a demand or request for sexual favours; sexually coloured remarks, showing pornography, and any other unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal conduct of sexual nature where such conduct would constitute discrimination if a woman has reasonable grounds to believe that objecting to the conduct would be disadvantage to her recruitment or promotion or when it creates a hostile work environment.

The core of this definition is the word ‘unwelcome’. The sexual conduct must be unwelcome and the onus of proving that it is so, lays with the complainant, the woman. This means that the complainants sexual past, mode of dress and conduct can be used to show that the harasser was incited and that the blame also lies with the complainant herself. Even her profession can be used as sufficient evidence to disqualify her claim of sexual harassment. Bar room dancers, waitresses, performers, are all vulnerable to such claims.

These are similar to the experiences women had had with the rape laws. A rape victim’s dress, speech, sexual history, chastity have all been deployed to undermine her claim that she was forced to have sexual intercourse against her will or without her consent. She could have asked for it.

This is another of numerous examples of how laws, originally drafted to help women protect themselves, take on the role of protector and champion of chastity.

In a society like India’s, there is a clear distinction made between women who are prostitutes and women who are not. But both in practice and in discourse, slippages are being made between these two types of women.
In India, women from all the classes marry for financial security. Women stay in bad marriages for the same reason. They have no choice than to stay with their husband and carry on their ‘wifely’ chores.
Many women confess to having had sex for ‘favours’.
A lot of college students have sex in exchange for expensive gifts.
And of course the description of women accused of promiscuity as whores.
Thus distinctions between the two categories of the respectable bourgeois and the prostitute are continuously blurred.

Evelina Giobbe, a prostitute activist, observed, “prostitution isn’t like anything else. Rather everything else is like prostitution because it is the model for women’s condition.”

In India, women’s groups and prostitutes who represent the prostitutes or parties who are taking a step on behalf of the prostitutes, everyone agrees that the prostitute has to be decriminilised. Either because it is the right of the individual to engage in sexual transaction with mutual consent, or because of the recognition of the double standard at work when the prostitute is penalized but not her client.

One group lobbies for stricter regulation of prostitution because it is usually steeped in the criminal system. Prostitution can exist only with the support of pimps, brothels, crime-mafias, sex-tourism operators and other 0rganisational middlemen. In order for the state to take part, in any way, in the question of prostitution will be to recognise it. And that makes prostitution closer to legalisation. ------------(1)

The other group says that though now prostitution is immersed in criminal activities, legalisation will only improve these activities. They do not want state intervention in the form of police control or health checks. They contend that prostitutes themselves can organise amongst themselves and look after the collective right of the prostitute. ------------(2)

While (1) take on the human rights approach, (2) prefer to focus on the legal right of the woman in prostitution. Rajeshwari sunder rajan calls them radicals and liberals respectively in her article, ‘The Prostitution Question(s)’.

Even in the west, it took some time before prostitutes could speak on their own behalf. In 1983, a workshop was held in Rotterdam, called ‘International Feminist Networking against the Traffic in Women: Organising against Female Sexual Slavery’, whose agenda was to insist on the forced nature of all prostitution, and organise a campaign against its removal. All participants were activists and researchers from all over the world.
There was only one prostitute, Margo St James, who was there as a “resource person” and was to share her experiences with all the participants. Kathleen Barry, the chief organiser, refused to appear on a television programme with Margo St James, stating, “The conference was feminist and did not support the institution of prostitution.”

Feminists have been accused of choosing to ignore the realities of sex-trade workers’ lives and experiences. It has been said that women who work as strippers, hookers, and porn artists feel isolated not only from the society but also from the women’s movement, that has ignored or dissociated itself from them.

It is indeed true that campaigns on behalf of prostitutes have never asked them to participate. Prostitute conferences now point out that feminists have maintained a distance from whores. Margaret Baldwin recognises this as not only a matter of feminists claiming high moral ground, but also the tacit recognition that “a woman’s claim on justice, crucially depends on her success in proving that she is not and has never been a prostitute.” It is easy to see how accepting prostitution could be a problem for feminists. Prostitution is based on the acceptance and support of the man’s right to vent his sexual need.

In the film ‘tale of night fairies’, a movie about lives of sex-worker-activist, a feminist asks the question of a prostitute about how she feels being exploited by men. To which she replies that she is doing her work and having sleeping with only those men she likes, and getting money for it and that nobody is forcing her, so how is she exploited? Another sex-worker states that her mother was a prostitute too because she had to sleep with her husband in order to receive monetary support.

The feminists are still divided. Those who want to reform the prostitutes, end up sounding like moralists. Those who talk of legalizing prostitution, face the charge that they are in this process supporting those with vested interest in it like those of sex-tourism operators, crime mafia, pimps, etc.

Radical feminist activists concentrate on promoting welfare, rehabilitation, legal assistance, job training, and pushing for more stringent laws against prostitution.

Liberal feminists and prostitute activists oppose police excesses, social pressures, and discriminatory legal decisions, agitating for improved conditions, benefits and protection for those in sex- trade.

Human rights groups, feminists and political activists need to focus their energy on promoting the idea of sexual rights. In our society, such a strategy might be faced with suspicion and be declared anti-cultural. But it is important to do so because the focus is constantly on sexual wrongs (in rape cases, child sexual abuse cases, sexual harassment cases), which promotes the idea that sex is bad per se, and that all good people must be protected from the stigma of sex, whether consensual or not.

Sex-workers and other sexual minorities are the only ones who are claiming sexual rights. They have to be supported and this movement has to be mainstream, because after all there is a very thin line between good women and whores.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

dial an orgasm

I don’t know if this is worth owning up to, but I have always emoted better over the phone. Sometimes it is like that you know. Some people have better online personalities….or let me just say different personalities. Over the phone I can do drama without any worry. The facelessness invisibility of the phone gives me time to come up with words phrases sentences theories which I know I would not face to face. An ex of mine, would say when we are arguing face to face whether I would like to go to the next room with a phone? Cos then we both knew I would get to the real problem quite quick. My yahoo messenger personality is quite notorious too, but for a slightly different reason (I can see R agreeing with me here).
This post is going to be about phone sex.
As kids I and many others like me practiced a safe way to sex. Talk it out. And last night I was ….. thinking of ‘phone sex’ again and I realised certain things about it. That was last night and by now I have probably forgotten what all I was going to say, but….

One way to start veering the conversation towards ps (phone sex) is to ask after a poignant pause, “so…. what are you wearing?” sometimes the trick is in creating the mood. The reason for this mood should always be because you two are apart. “Sowhatareyouwearing” is an internationally acknowledged ps starter. For all you ps practioners, it I know must have come naturally. That’s what makes this phrase the most simple and innovative one.
The answer can vary…but ….ahem…I would suggest always stick to the truth. If you are wearing cotton faded tee, then just say that. To an already active imagination it could do wonders.

The other way…and this for people who can are always called imaginative by their friends, and those who can cook up questions in truth or dare, give a situation to the person on the other side, ‘ if you were at the peak of this hill near a waterfall and there was nobody around…..and if it rained….and all you could see was green ….and the grey of the mist….and then you see a little shed nearby and I approach you from behind……’. This works sometimes especially if your room is hot and you love the rains. It also works if the one on the phone knows you and thrills you with details; you never thought he/she would remember. (Oh god! Phone sex works at so many levels toh!).

Another way is when you instead of using weather, geographical locations use the location of the …umm… heart and go ‘this was the last time we could meet and you were getting married tomorrow…’ this works wonders for some. Almost like break-up phone sex.

The most familiar way is I suppose the whine-sigh method. When you are talking to your lover who is far away and you guys have already been intimate in real life…you rely on memory. When the terrain is familiar the going can be smooth. ‘Whine-and-sigh’ cos this conversation will invariably start with a “……aaaaaah wish you were here” and have a “you are wearing what?? Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.

There is another one but let me warn you, it could leave you feeling empty afterwards. Its when two people come together for sex only (even in real life) and can play-act situation out. Orgies BDSM could be played out here to heart’s content, but if you feel more for the person on the other side of the phone than just lust, stay clear of such a situation cos chances are its gonna hurt when he/she just rolls over and falls asleep.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

I've just returned home from a typical Bengali wedding and this time around I am not going to eulogize home but just say….whew!!
My cousin got married. She is extremely pretty and tall and hers was an arranged marriage and her husband is quite pleasantly ugly and seemed completely in awe of her looks and totally in lust/love with her.
My cousin is like 2years older than me and there were questions being asked of my mom, like” when is Piya getting married?” and “where? In cal or in hyd?” and my mom had answers even, like, in cal, after a couple of years. Aaaaaaaaagh! Was so scared.
After living in a CIEFL induced haze you come smack in front of complacent all-encompassing normal heterosexuality and I have no where to hide and my desire for my kind of life, let alone sex life seems abnormal and against nature and I feel inconsequential and I want to hide a lot about me and become all straight.
And my cousin wept holding onto her father and then everyone else as she left her parental home (basically forever only to return now and then for a few days) and the entire house hold and people from the neighbour hood wept (she was very popular), and my other cousin…the one who was to accompany her to her in-laws place, the one who is getting married in November to her boy friend of many years, kept thinking….”this is going to be me next”, and she will be moving to Bombay and later perhaps to U.K.
It did not seem fair, I thought as I watched my cousin extremely reluctant to get into the car, and my other cousin just as unhappy and just as reluctant.
And to think, this is exactly what my mom wants for me. A normal life. But I don’t think they have thought beyond the wedding.

I have.
And I am scared.