Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sunday, February 07, 2010
I too hate the word perfect and love the word flawed. So Let's now interchange the 2.
For we were all born Potentially Flawed. Beaming, selfish, happy (truly happy, and with potential for extreme joy). Then our perfect parents happened. Then their perfect religion. The perfect schools and their perfect methods of teaching. Sexual awareness happened, followed by The Right (Perfect=the best=the most right?) moral guidelines.....and the rest.
I don't want to live this way. This perfect way. The only way we are taught to live. I want to live. Not to reach great heights, conquer the world, prove myself, achieve fame, beat you at sudoku and the like. I want to experience each fucking moment with the utmost energy I have. I want to use what I was born with. The brain. I want to use the mind (which bless it's soul baulked at the idea of the practical and the pragmatic)and the inherent Human soul and ask 'Why?' to everything I hear. Just as we did at the age of 2. And not settle for anything but the complete honesty we deserve.
Ask the question 'Why?' to whom? The only one who matters anyway. To your 'me.' We introspect. Till we can flush out our social conditioning, we introspect. And we be good. After all this, there is a good? (one may ask) Yes. (I asked me yesterday, the answer was in the affirmative) We be the the fucking best we can be. This time with complete awareness of the self. We meditate our every fucking motive. Be honest. HONEST.
As I write this now, am I aware of what I am feeling about this as a blog post? Will the 2-3 friends who read this be impressed? I don't fucking know. Ok let's try again. 'Do I like what I just wrote?' Yes. Why do I like it? Cos I was fucking honest. Am I not scared of being judged by smart people? No. Why not? Cos I was fucking honest.
I left the story of the friend of 10 years untold. Our relationship soured (I don't think she was aware that it did. And that was the second reason) for a boy. A moral dilemma I put forth now. Her Ex of 6-8 months, whom I found hot, called me one day and started talking dirty. He was by then seeing another girl and my friend was with another boy. Her X and I started an adulterous (look how posh am being) relationship. It lasted about 1 year. He still had a girlfriend and my friend still had a boyfriend. After about a year of 'it.' I fell in love with him. I asked him to leave his GF. He asked for time. He took 1 month. Came back saying, he can't. I took 1 more month. Stopped talking to him. I never told my friend anything, cos I knew she was still pining for X, and though they were broken up, my 'relationship' with her X would have hurt her. I was being Practical, pragmatic and thus secretive. This screwed up our friendship, for I turned out to be a sensitive person (who knew?) and keeping a secret from a friend made it difficult for me to be a friend. I told her last week. She was not angry or unhappy with me (or may be she was and she lied to me, dishonesty is the villain of this story) and we bettered our bond and I had a great time and I think so did she.
The Moral Dilemma? The only problem (in retrospect)I had was that I was lying to my friend. Did I think of X's girlfriend? No. Why not? I didn't know her and I felt no compulsion to lie to her or tell her the truth. How could I love X when he was a 'cheater'? I love flaws and don't hold it againest anyone. Why did I want him to break up with the girl friend? I don't know. Love is irrational and I hate sharing. If you loved him, why & how could you cut all ties? He hurt me (and my ego) and I love me the most.
Ok story and Q&A over. Now my question to you is. Would you judge me? Or X? Or my friend for still pining for X though she was in a relationship with her BF?
I can't. I can't judge no one. For we are all humans, flawed. And only the society as a whole has come up with words like 'Wrong' 'Right' 'Slut' 'Sin' and the like. Individually, in a lone room, a lot of the society would feel 'Nothing.' (For Fuck's sake, how does this story concern you in the first place? Who made you Umpire?). To a judging group (I know I keep saying 'Society,' but you know right I mean 'Religion,' 'culture' and the like) that answer would not be acceptable. (Why? we love to hear our own voice me thinks) It would smell of a Moral Lack.
Ok... If you were X's girlfriend (or her friend), how would you feel then? You would hate him (and may be me, though you don't really know me) for the emotional pain he caused you (or your friend).
Would you call me a whore (or an equivalent)?
Ask yourself 'why?' and let me know the answer in a comment. (If you read the 1606 words of it, that is)
Thursday, February 04, 2010
8 TV shows/News Channels I like to watch:
- CNN IBN, Lost, Friends, How I met Your Mother, Bones, Dexter, Mentalist, House.
8 Places to eat and dine:
10 Downing street, Uthpura, Mocha, Deli 9, Aromas of China, Chutneys, Pulusu, Barbecue Nation.
8 Things I Look Forward To:
- Movies which have Aamir khan in it.
- The Oscars.
- The next ‘Love.’
- 6 pack abs.
- Getting published.
- Own house.
8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
- I drank milk three times
- Watched Lost and Bones on T.V lying on my couch.
- Slept most of the day.
- Had a dream about a place in Hyderabad, which I saw today and it looked so different from the dream.
- Missed all my friends’ Calls
- Started reading Fahrenheit 451, Thank you Abhijeet!.
- Saw the face of the love of my life on facebook after like 7 years .
- Discovered a fellow Agatha Christian.
8 Things I love about Winter:
- I can wear scarves.
- I can skip a bath somedays.
- I can skip the deo somedays.
- The chill. And when you are on a bike at 4 in the morning, and the wind brings tears to your eyes!
- The Sun
- The mothball smell of my mother’s winterwear.
- Shorter Days
8 Things on my Wish-list:
- Tickets to Scotland (travel and stay)
- Ditto for Ireland.
- New glasses.
- A new hair cut.
- To lose another 8 kgs.
- A kitten.
- a T.V in my room
- Becoming a vegetarian.
8 Things I am Passionate about: food, men, women, dancing, talking, books, reading, and writing.
8 Words/Phrases I often use: Huuuuge, What the…., ‘It’s so funny,’ ‘Listen na..,’ ‘means?’ Theek hai, ‘I sooooo want to….,’ ‘Fuck.’
8 Things I learnt from the past:
- True happiness is in real peace.
- I am a secure person and thus most likely to be lonely.
- And am not completely upset with that fact.
- I love humanity.
- I hate violence.
- Sadness and happiness are so alike that they can be confused with the other.
- I love me.
- I find it difficult to say no to women.
8 Places I would like to go /Visit: Ireland, Scotland, Darjeeling, Yercaud, again, Goa again, New York, Paris, Kolkata,
8 Things I currently need/want: peace of mind, to lose 8 kgs, to cut hair, a tattoo, sleep, to be immune to all the illnesses in the world, to be strong and fit, to move out of home.