Tuesday, September 27, 2011
My fangs grow purple with perseverance
my heart cold with melancholy
I have tried and tried to be one with the crowd
and my glass slippers shrunk in the rain.
We were bosom buddies once
but I grew old and and grew quiet
I broke your vase and you lost my number
I am alone in the dark heaven outside your door
My Fangs grow brown and rust in exile
something gnaws at my lifeboat
Loneliness begets loneliness
and happiness however false, friends.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Flat and silver
Your tongue still pierces me
Like no other.
Toes made of clay
Finger tips dead from years
Of staying away.
Leave that box girl
It’s been 19 months already
19 thousand years may be
The lock has fallen off
On its own accord
But still inside you stay
Sounds of a whip past
And your clay feet stay
The box is half rotten
And you still stay rooted
To that sweet spot
And I have memories of your tongue
And the clefts and the nooks in your body
Wet me still, Alexandra.
I have wandered 19 days
Or 19 centuries may be
And I called out your name
Once I had almost smelt you out
But a cover of lavender and sorrow
And bundles of guilt
Confounded me and I lost the trail.
But the lock has fallen away girl
And I wait, with the table set
With my skin and nails and hair
The ground beneath still remembers
Your toe-ring and your quick gait.
Walk away Alexandra, and come home.
The gates are open and
the blood hounds are long gone.
Follow my scent of longing and love
And come to roost Alexandra.
And if you want I will prepare you
A new cage and hang it in the porch
And come and sing for me
And your voice still rings in my year
And I wake up on a lone still bed,
Flat and silver, your tongue….
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 08, 2011
A couple of years ago, my sister and I were walking down the street to go get an auto rickshaw to go join our parents at a cultural program they were at. Basically, we had wanted to skip the ‘cultural’ bit, with all the dancing and singing and were trying to time our arrival with the community dinner which is to die for. We started from our house, and we had to walk about 3 minutes to reach the main road where the auto rickshaw stand was. This was about 11 in the night. Two guys on a bike passed by, and as expected (for in India, “mild” eve-teasing is norm of the day) they commented something. I was expecting the usual “Hi Sexy!” and was horrified and pissed off to hear from these two guys, “Good Morning!” We ignored them and kept walking, mostly cos that’s the norm and also cos there was no one else on the road and I wanted to be closer to the auto rickshaw stand before lashing out. And I was going to lash out. I was seething! These two young men (must have been mid-20’s, about my age) wished us Good Morning at 11 in the night thus reminding us the weaker and vulnerable sex that it was nighttime and that we should not be here walking on the streets. Well, they could, cos they were male but for my sister and me, the 3 minute walk was blasphemy…OFWF.
Well we reached the rickshaw stand as they were returning for the third time to wish us morning, when I turned around and maniacally screamed at them to ‘FO.’ I screamed and screamed the same thing again and again as if the next thing I was going to do was to fly to them and crush them to death. I screamed like a demon.
They fled without a backward glance.
Good Morning to you too sirs!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Aami jaanina re, why I want to write. However, it’s the only thing I know to do. To do well. To want to do well. I miss not having to write, not needing to. One day I will write my story, one day I will write my stories and publish them. But first I need to start writing. So that I start writing. So that I remember what it is to write. To have to write, to need to…
I don’t have an answer to these questions. “how will ur life decide that it wants to be a writer? what will ur writing be aimed at? what will it achieve?” probably cos I don’t understand them.
And what do I want to write? Preferably Novels (someday someday), poetry, short stories. But I will settle for anything. Yes anything, my employer asks me too. I will write as long as I am allowed to include my view points. Write a story, a feature, from my point of view. I want to to hone my style. Ekhon all I have is imagery. I want to get this fluency. I want to try out different styles. And I won’t be able to all this till I am not writing for a living. What I write is not so important. That I write is. I will be writing for writing’s sake. What do you think?
I hope you had fun on your birthday. How old are you now? I’ll be turning 27, July 25. Looking forward to the rest of my life, at last. I quit Google today. As in I resigned. Last day June 26th. I feel no regret yet. Now I have to keep myself motivated to being happy, not comfortable.
I am making other changes too. Getting in touch with people I lost in the 3 years. Severing ties with people who make me unhappy. My upcoming birthday and Roshni’s death anniversary, is making me utterly emotional and I keep going into these bouts of loneliness and anxiety and depression. I have in the past, withdrawn more into myself. This time I want to be involved with good people. Good friends. Tor kaemon obostha? Emotionally kaemon aachheesh tui? Tor okhaankaar bondhura kaemon?
I have been trying to picture your house. I want to visit you and your house and the lake behind it. I have to now start making my resume and start looking for a job.
Wish me all the best.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
I haven’t been able to write much for quite a while now. Either I was too busy or sad or just too happy to. I started work today, after a hiatus of 3 months or so and now I am sleepy and tired. I will get off in another 10 minutes or so. All you people who have been irritated with me for not updating my blog at all. Hold on to your horses.