Thursday, April 27, 2006

attempts at haiku (the city me and me)

sound at back window
and life that stretchaes beyond
both seem inviting.

the room is stifling
the furnitures and me,
yet the door is shut.

music streams downwards
hits my intolerant ears
and spills away free

Monday, April 24, 2006

cute couples

Saturday, April 22, 2006

my friend is in love,
and the world
suddenly seems
so wonderful.
i love you guys.

Friday, April 21, 2006


My Friend Cash and I, took this pic at lifestyle, and got scolded by security guards, but am so happy. she was so gorgeous, on the LEVIS poster.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

just me this time.

reaalise i never blog just like that, telling ppl what i have been upto.
i had an exam today. for 2 hours i struggled to write 10sides. and believe me i have huge hand-writing.
i felt stupid, then felt better thinking....oh well! then i cant help it.
went to admin block to sort out a lot of mess. i hate going alone, so this time i was glad seren was in same shit as me.
have not taken passport sized photograph in long long time.
my sis was acting out, how i usually pose for one.
eyes wide open,
slight pout.
nose pulled in at the sides.
i think she is right.
but thats the only way i know not to blink guys!

solan seren and i went for lunch,
veg buffet.

ok ok.

but it was fun outing each other and self to the other patrons.
" what you like your brother"

"yes! i like women".....scream at top of lungs.


and guess what....after all the entertaining, and 2 scoops of ice-cream, we left(ran rather) with Rs 0 tip.

*guilty grin*

cotton polyester

girls like me....

since this is a secret world,
for girls like me,
dont talk about all this.
but since this is a secret world.
and girls like me,
can put on paper,
our stories.
stories about
golden legs,
pink limbs,
dotted with those black dots,
quivering fingers,
dilated pupils,
and that white back
as canvas for my teeth.
stories about women,
many and few,
here and there.
and how they feel for me,
and how they feel me,
and of how i make them feel.
usually we dont talk about all this,
but since this is a secret place,
and girls like me....

Thursday, April 13, 2006

once out of this blog world.

after living in solitude for a hundred years,
this free free world
intoxicates me into
utter deviance.
we forget that happiness
is not free,
and a price has to be paid,
for months
of careless love,
of impure love,
of deformed love,
of croocked love,
a hundred lashes - they declare,
or another hundred years of solitude.

coming soon......26th may

why cant i have him?

who has him?
why is she/he not me?????

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

sisters are no surprise at all sometimes.

This has taken long a time coming.
This piece is difficult to write
Feels me with discomfort.
Unlike many other siblings,
My sis and I are not all too comfortable being nice to each other.
We get embarrassed.
Hell! She could not call me didi cos it was too embarrassing for her…so Piya it is.
So why am I writing this about her.I don’t know if I want to,
She did not give me a samosa I really wanted.

But I am being the bigger person (elder sister)
And writing this for her anyway.

Ever since she learnt to keep her mouth shut,
She has been a cool sis and all.
She knows I smoke but doesnot tell mom.
She knows enough about me to blackmail,
But never really tries.
(well ofcourse! I know I lot about her too…ha ha ha ha ha ha *devilish laugh*)

But this post is about sisters.
My sis.
She was so cool when I came out to her
(Not that she hadn’t known anything but I am so manipulative,
I made all those girls sound like they were chasing me with a shovel)
Her reaction was “but piya, will you never get married? Then how will I flirt with my jijaji’s brother” (a long cherished dream of her….dont ask me why)

So I was a little apprehensive when I told her about S.
But she was really excited and curious.
Her sweetest statement was, ”haa? She is coming? Don’t worry you guys can stay in the room I will sleep somewhere else. Just don’t be too loud” ahem.

Since this is about sisters I cannot but talk about S’sis.
FASIONSIS and SCIENCIS, S and I went out for lunch and stuff,
And it was wonderful to see S and my sister talking and teasing each other.
And S’s sis confiding in me about her boyfriend.

I don’t know how my mom is going to react and all you know?
So it was gratifying (?) to see family with me.

Well many might say, well what did you expect?
but it meant so much to see these 2 people,
so away from the gay world,
being so ok with the gay world brought close to them.

Sisters can surprise you when you least expect.
That’s the primary function of a sister I guess.

But thank you both
For being this time around,
Just what we had in our heart
Thought you were.

So good
So nice

Here’s to nice sisters.

on one of the last days

this black ink on paper is not enough

for what i had wanted to say,

i need it engraved on stone i had wanted to say

but i guess its just love i mean.

but i can not say it,

not to you.

and the moment passes for you do not care.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

written by poet at 15-16

jokhom chhilaam chhoto,
proti raate dekhtaam janalar baire
amaar moton chhotto ekti tara
miti miti kore haashto she
aamai bhalobashto she
onek kotha hoto taar shathe,

hae shei tarar shaathe proti raat e
onek bochhor kete gaechhe
onek kichhu bodle gaechhe
onek din janalar baire takaini
tobe aaj raate dekhi
ammar bondhu ekhono achhe
she i ekla mehgtar tthik paashe,

tobe she amaar paane cheye
kotha bollo naa ektu o
onek kichhu bodle gechhe
taar bhaasha ki paalte gechhe?
boro hoye gechhe taar chhotto meye.

roughly translates to:

when i was young,
enery night i would look out of the window,
and see a star as young as me,
she would smile at me (though in bangla the gender need not be specified)
she would love me,
and we would talk through the night.

and now many years have passed
and many things have changed,
and i haven't looked out the window for long.
but tonoght i see she is still there,
right next to the lonely cloud,
but she doesn't talk to
she doesn't look atme.
many years have passed,
many things have changed,
or is it just tha,
her little girl has grown up.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Goodbye to all that was good

and this is my goodbye to this place.
i will never again return to this pink CIEFL
this place to which i probably never really belonged to.
and it saddens me that i now never will.
the 25 minute train ride.
the innumerable minutes spent waiting for the train at sitaphalmandi.
friends kind and loving enough to walk with me till station everyday.

the tank
the tank on which all sat at the edge, never in the middle.
and the tank which probably created a few communities and
to be fair, intimidated many others.
the mess, with its plastic chairs and food i missed on the weekends,
only because i could afford to.

friends made on the first day,
ships maintained throughout.
inspite of the mind numbing GB s.
inspite of 'ideological' differences.
inspite of .....

and here is to the women of CIEFL.
the most unnerving, tongue twisting kinds,
who make me stammer,
and fall in love.
to the women of CIEFL
the stronger race.
goodbye all the girls i liked
and could never say anything to
goodbye to you all to whom i could say something to,
goodbye again

and soon it will be that last day,
that last ticket, saying sitaphalmandi to begumpet.
the last familiar nod from the man at the ticket counter.
the last cig smoked on tank
the last eye contact
the last look
the last visit to sagar
the last paper soap used...LOL
the last groan
the last "oh god i hate her"

the last of the carefree days
the last of the free world
the last of this weird unique isolated place hidden amongst trees
and inhabited by the strangest people,
who strangely are not strange to each other

the strangeness that is CIEFL
this oasis in the middle of this thing called real world,
which one cant find, after leaving through its gates.

leaves a hole in the soul,
now which we will try to
fill by looking elsewhere
for this place called CIEFL

and fail

till we return once again

return to pink CIEFL.


i mean look at her. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Saturday, April 08, 2006

the pic is of the cyber gateway where microsoft, Dell etc are housed in Hyderabad. I love the building so...

I was reading THE HINDU this morning, like every other morning.
No it is not a Hindu fundamentalist manifesto.
It is a news paper.
The only one I can read.
I would like to says, that’s cos THE HINDU is not biased,
But then may be I am.
Things I read today (some of the things)

It was 40’C yesterday and perhaps 41’C today………pant pant!!

Dan brown won case. Yippee!! Long live ccp….kiddin…I swear ccp is a bad thing.

Suicide bombers blow up in a mosque in Baghdad. I think Baghdad….is it? Should I go check? Naah.

Libby points finger at bush about the leak of classified info about Iraq having wmd. Why why why bother? Bush will soon turn America into a mini Iraq.

Sex ratio in city (hyd) 1014females to 1000 males…..or was it 1141 females to 1000 males, whichever way…good news.

Ziya us salam says ‘banares’ has been made for the NRI (or foreigners who think of India as this exotic religious spiritual place) audience.

Salman khan’s saawan is good timepass but forgettable (ZUS being a salman kahn fan)

A pretty pic of arundhati roy dancing with other protesters at jantar mantar, medha pathkar saying that she is used to heat and it wont bother her. International writers and activists urge Indian govt to take medha seriously.

The pro Narmada protestors also taking to Delhi streets.

Some nice pic of Dhoni (for a change).

Recipe for motorshuti kochori (peas kachori), but the pic was of khhaasta kochuri.

the other UGLYGIRL

check out this comic strip. fpr all the ugly girls of the world.
Sometimes uglygirl can’t handle her life
But then we can ask,
What life?
Its silly, ugly girl,
It’s all silly.
It’s her problem uglygirl,
Just her.
Ask her to back off,
They say.
As if that’s easy.
As if an uglygirl can
Not get involved.
But I am involved,
Uglygirl says,
So tell,
Uglygirl says,
Tell me
Tell me
Tell me
Tell me.
But it’s so easy to switch off a computer, I say.

And now she sits and cries,
Not in front of the mirror uglygirl, I say.
Uglygirl cries ugly, says uglygirl.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

at odd hours

Chemistry is a mysterious thing.
It strikes at odd hours.
Your heart beats faster….I mean Your heart beats faster.
And you know hers beat at the same rhythm.
Or does it?
Do you ask?....
Do you? you?
Wait for the door to open and walk right out.
Don’t look back.
Chemistry is a scary thing.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

something old

Call me a fool, but once upon a time I wanted to be a saint. I was going to be good to everyone, not lie, be patient, (not steal, and not commit murder..). I actually wanted to have a following, and retire to the Himalayas and lead a life of utter relaxation and camaraderie. A few things changed my mind. But I still live by those few guidelines. I try not to lie (ask my friends) but quite love to gossip. I am generally patient but only with the ones I love. I try to be Nice to everybody (except my family, whom I scream a lot to). And most of all I am true to myself, I don't lie to myself. If I desire something I am not supposed to, I might not tell others but I will agree to the feeling in my heart. And in that way I get closer to god. I actually am close to god with whom I talk to in a first name basis. I think its ok to pray to god (or simply ask him/her) to show me a toilet when I need one badly.When I am in front of a murti (sculpture) I become formal and say things like, make everyone happy. I am scared to make this god angry by asking it trivial things. From my mom, grandmas, I know that gods get angry. Well my god, my best friend never gets angry with me; I am his/her favourite child. I can sit on my pot and talk to god every morning. I don't need to go to the temple. My best friend once told me upon hearing this,"I don't want everybody to queue in front of my loo every morning" and I was so distressed that give him a cool, personal god and he could turn that too into a religion. I told him, "but .. Don't you realise that everybody might not have their own temple but all have their own loo"

what i wrote to venkat rao

I have lived in cities all my life. Historically I was displaced. My grandparents had had to flee Bangladesh and settle as refugees in various parts of Calcutta. Later my father moved from Calcutta to Bombay to Hyderabad, leaving me to attach no great importance to the word community. I am hesitant to invest in communities (perhaps sub-consciously). Given the threat of alienation, I don’t feel that I am a part of a community, which is to begin with, an urban community. Instead I look around me, whatever the space, time, organization, institution etc...And try to instead form a community based on political views (for example). I don’t want to sound unsocial but given the amount of time I spend online, I have even communities I belong to, in the cyber world. One such community is namely the ‘blogworld’. Blogs or web logs are increasingly becoming spaces where an individual can view thoughts on anything from a shoe-horn to the war on Iraq. I (and as you see, that’s how most of my sentences seem to begin like) believe and feel comfortable with communities which are made by individuals. That is because such communities will respect one as an individual even if their thoughts begin to differ from the group.
I am not comfortable with the word religion, and consider myself a repressed Hindu. Though in some ways I am glad I am a Hindu because this way I had had to learn nothing religious ever, on the other hand, my (not really mine) religion is so overwhelming that it encompasses all aspects of my life.
I am not even comfortable with the word culture as what is my culture may not be the culture of my community member’.
During the course called culture and community, which I signed up for in order to see what I was missing.
Not that I live alone or without a certain way of life, but I felt that once the words culture and community were used, different meanings were given to it and this usage would club me with people with whom I shared nothing.
No community is closed: and this is something I learnt from class, and it is interesting because we do live in this small space called earth and people are hustled so close together with people and actually fighting to create identities and ending up creating sometimes warring communities.
I enjoyed presentations, especially the one made by Arun on relativism. I realised I probably am a relativist.
Arunlekha Sengupta.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Carrie: It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what. I found three of them.

Miranda: I'm telling you: the fat ass, the farting - it's ridiculous. I am un-fuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life. ... That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, as somebody is obligated to have sex with you.

Carrie: There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.Miranda: "Natasha?" When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul?"

Miranda: Smart, yes, sometimes cute, but never sexy. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.Carrie: You win men over with your personality?

Carrie: A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call.Samantha: Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!

Samantha: So help me—she fucks on my couch, she buys it.Carrie: Isn't that how you got the couch from me?

Miranda: I'm sorry, Steve, I'm an asshole.Steve: Yeah you are. But you're my asshole.Miranda: That's sweet. And gross, at the same time.

Samantha: Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy.Miranda: Talk about a Happy Meal!

Charlotte: Is it safe to buy pot from strangers? Carrie: They're not strangers. They're our new friends with pot.

Carrie: I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss - the perfect parent - or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Angst of yesterday, some project discussion and a MYSTERY

Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:41:04 PM): where there is no space for discussion
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:41:46 PM): i know
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:41:56 PM): is it not scary and frustrating
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:42:43 PM): yah
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:43:06 PM): n to top it jeet says a discussion has nothing to do with our relation
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:43:18 PM): but it has so much to do coz thats how we think
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:43:57 PM): thats what dvr was talking in class today
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:44:10 PM): at one point deciding to go back
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:44:15 PM): yah
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:44:19 PM): u know wat but
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:44:26 PM): instead of going forward with reflection
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:45:09 PM): don worry
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:45:28 PM): hang on for a while before getting so worked up
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:45:42 PM): n to tell u sth about urself
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:46:04 PM): just as sangee insists on beleiving that she is alone n not in a group
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:46:24 PM): you insist on beleiving that u are ugly
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:46:40 PM): is it this big mouth, ugly girl effect?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:46:57 PM): not really
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:47:28 PM): yah in whatever superficial rather jabardasti ka ways u do
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:47:36 PM): u know u r beautiful
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:47:41 PM): yeah
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:47:53 PM): but ugly is not how one really looks
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:48:03 PM): still u just do it coz u love playing this game
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:48:10 PM): yah i know
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:48:17 PM): but a way of lookingat oneself
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:48:22 PM): brb
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:48:22 PM): coz the next thing i wanted to write was that
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:48:28 PM): ?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 10:48:42 PM): br right back
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 10:49:07 PM): k
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:05:03 PM): hey
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:05:18 PM): am back
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:10:52 PM): here
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:10:55 PM): hey
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:11:02 PM): where were you?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:11:09 PM): in mudits room
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:11:13 PM): anyway so what were you sayin?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:11:20 PM): what were you doin there?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:11:27 PM): is polyester there?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:11:49 PM): no
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:11:52 PM): wat
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:12:12 PM): prem isn't in his room
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:12:22 PM): wow
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:12:31 PM): wat/
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:12:41 PM): wil call him
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:12:51 PM): call him na n tell me
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:12:53 PM): where is ur phone?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:12:59 PM): here only
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:13:01 PM): u called na
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:13:06 PM): yeah
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:13:10 PM): was in mudit's room for vaseline
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:13:22 PM): so what were yousaying about being ugly?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:14:10 PM): i gave one missed call but after that its not connecting at all
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:14:24 PM): he said he wanted to do sthin reckless today
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:14:30 PM): na i was jus about to say tht if u go to a psychologist, of whom i m not that fond of, s/he will tell you that ur repeatedly saying ur ugly will mean that u think u r an ugly person inside
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:14:44 PM): haann when?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:14:56 PM): wen did he say that
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:14:57 PM): in the afternoon
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:15:02 PM): oh k
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:15:11 PM): wat were u guys talking
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:15:16 PM): yeah ut as if being ugly is a bad thing
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:15:21 PM): cos its not
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:15:27 PM): nohin
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:15:37 PM): he just kept sayin that
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:15:57 PM): was he to meet someone today?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:16:08 PM): i said come home and he said he wants to do sthing reckless and would go meet somebody
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:16:13 PM): perhaps
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:16:15 PM): k
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:26:30 PM): ?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:26:38 PM): you asleep?
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:26:41 PM): busy?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:26:50 PM): na smoking
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:26:55 PM): wat u doing
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:27:10 PM): on orkut
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:27:19 PM): your new pic is too small
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:27:22 PM): k
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:27:29 PM): i go there every five mints
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:31:21 PM): m smoking
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:31:36 PM): k
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:50:04 PM): hey i got this wonderful survey for cosmo Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:50:06 PM): u there?
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:50:36 PM): lissssssssssten
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:50:38 PM): haa tell
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:50:50 PM): its a power point presentation
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:50:54 PM): shall i send it to u
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:51:04 PM): ok
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:51:14 PM): i will use it for my presentation even if it is not related directly
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:51:16 PM): wait
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:51:49 PM): its amazing
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:54:46 PM): uff m waiting for u to see it
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:54:55 PM): u ve power point na
arunlekhas (3/31/2006 11:54:59 PM): yeah
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:55:00 PM): k u must ve
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:55:10 PM): yippies about to be over
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:55:16 PM): seeeeeeeeeeee
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:58:18 PM): saw it
Swati Beriwal (3/31/2006 11:59:38 PM): prem is back