something old

Call me a fool, but once upon a time I wanted to be a saint. I was going to be good to everyone, not lie, be patient, (not steal, and not commit murder..). I actually wanted to have a following, and retire to the Himalayas and lead a life of utter relaxation and camaraderie. A few things changed my mind. But I still live by those few guidelines. I try not to lie (ask my friends) but quite love to gossip. I am generally patient but only with the ones I love. I try to be Nice to everybody (except my family, whom I scream a lot to). And most of all I am true to myself, I don't lie to myself. If I desire something I am not supposed to, I might not tell others but I will agree to the feeling in my heart. And in that way I get closer to god. I actually am close to god with whom I talk to in a first name basis. I think its ok to pray to god (or simply ask him/her) to show me a toilet when I need one badly.When I am in front of a murti (sculpture) I become formal and say things like, make everyone happy. I am scared to make this god angry by asking it trivial things. From my mom, grandmas, I know that gods get angry. Well my god, my best friend never gets angry with me; I am his/her favourite child. I can sit on my pot and talk to god every morning. I don't need to go to the temple. My best friend once told me upon hearing this,"I don't want everybody to queue in front of my loo every morning" and I was so distressed that give him a cool, personal god and he could turn that too into a religion. I told him, "but .. Don't you realise that everybody might not have their own temple but all have their own loo"