Sunday, May 07, 2006
I've just returned home from a typical Bengali wedding and this time around I am not going to eulogize home but just say….whew!!
My cousin got married. She is extremely pretty and tall and hers was an arranged marriage and her husband is quite pleasantly ugly and seemed completely in awe of her looks and totally in lust/love with her.
My cousin is like 2years older than me and there were questions being asked of my mom, like” when is Piya getting married?” and “where? In cal or in hyd?” and my mom had answers even, like, in cal, after a couple of years. Aaaaaaaaagh! Was so scared.
After living in a CIEFL induced haze you come smack in front of complacent all-encompassing normal heterosexuality and I have no where to hide and my desire for my kind of life, let alone sex life seems abnormal and against nature and I feel inconsequential and I want to hide a lot about me and become all straight.
And my cousin wept holding onto her father and then everyone else as she left her parental home (basically forever only to return now and then for a few days) and the entire house hold and people from the neighbour hood wept (she was very popular), and my other cousin…the one who was to accompany her to her in-laws place, the one who is getting married in November to her boy friend of many years, kept thinking….”this is going to be me next”, and she will be moving to Bombay and later perhaps to U.K.
It did not seem fair, I thought as I watched my cousin extremely reluctant to get into the car, and my other cousin just as unhappy and just as reluctant.
And to think, this is exactly what my mom wants for me. A normal life. But I don’t think they have thought beyond the wedding.
And I am scared.