Monday, November 14, 2005

I was done for the day. I swear. I had gone to bed. I swear. My only folly, I messaged him. He had not been replying to my messages for the third day in a row, and I wondered why. I goaded him and asked for a fight. I mean I actually said, ���Let���s fight Vemu���. I thought that���s what he wanted. Earlier e had never so blatantly avoided me. The last tie I saw him, he was asking me (ok fine! Pleading) to sit on his new bike and was like, ���I will drop you home���, and I was like ���no, thanks���. I just cant ok, his shoulders, his smell��色��..ugh! I don���t want to feel anything for him, but���
He replied today. An sms. He doesn���t want to fight. He is going to get married. ���Committed��� was the word he used. He is going to be committed to someone else, that is. Commit commitcommitcommpohuiw. How I hate that word. So I was like, um how does that matter? Since his commitment is not to me, we could still fight, or something like that. But by then I was babbling. He did not reply. So I sms ed him. Hopefully my last sms to him. It read, ���Right. This is goodbye then���. Is that not truly heartbreaking? This is goodbye then. Some will think it is too stage-ish, but I am like that. He will like it but, he is a Leo too, he likes such stuff. Oh! And his Chinese birth thing is horse. I am a dog. I am faithful and loving and stupid and silly and committed. And how I hate that word. And I wish I had never met him. God! Give me the strength to unlove him. He is so mean. If I was pissing him off he could have said anything, anything, like how he is sleepy. Or of course just not replied. No but he had to hurt me. He had to tell that he was going to be committed (as if to an asylum). As if it would hurt me.
My heart did not break, it just trembled big time. I could not cry. I had no tears. No tears. I had cried so much 2 years ago. For him, for the same man, always for this man.
Anyway, This is goodbye then.

9 comments:

medusa said...

*this is a hug*
hoping to be comforting.

L>T said...

So sad, so sad.
Rivers of tears.
She cries in the morning
& wipes her eyes at noon.

A baby woman, still.

L>T said...

oh, that one was good.

L>T said...

I love you U.Girl

uglygirl said...

i am kinda embarrassed

serendipiduous said...

love you more than u know

L>T said...

sometimes I just get mushy, when people make me happy.
Hi there, serene Guy.

serendipiduous said...

we have an inherent ability to heal...we seem intent on living even through worst heart breaks...its practise!!!

serendipiduous said...

the plight of the "good bi"....sorry couldnt stop myself