Sunday, November 06, 2005

Alone in my city

I have this friend (the one with the good Google earth), he has this thing with solitude. He sometimes takes on a new city (or old) on his own. He often dines alone. Well he quite romanticises solitude. With him, from him, being alone sounds good and interesting. I tried this once, being alone. It is kind of difficult being alone cos I never have been alone. Uh! Never been single. And these last two years have been quite a learning experience. In being vulnerable and in being a little dispensable. And in learning to deal with it. I had always taken friendship for granted, as I have the most wonderful friends and they stand by me and seem to like me in spite of the fact that I can���t seem to keep secrets, am obsessed with honesty, and seem to be so self-involved. So all these years I showered my friends with affection, and got unconditional love in return. And now, my friends have all left the city and in the process of making new friends I realised 1) being completely unobtrusive while making acquaintance and firm or otherwise myself, still works. They get so used to you that even if you are being something they don���t like they can���t seem to leave you. 2) Show your true colours, so if they don���t like you, they can leave.

So anyway, I took the bus the other day, and got off at least 翻 kilometer from Walden. It was 6:30 or so in the evening and the evening traffic was making its way back home at a snail���s pace (ok so not that slow) and I was walking on the footpath in front of the chief minister���s residence ( cant call it house can I?) amidst a hoard of policemen on their walky-talkies. They looked at me as I passed and it was not in a lecherous sort of way, just curiosity and to a passive wish to see me through the crowd safely. I smiled to myself and continued to talk to myself (or sometimes to Oprah Winfery in my head) and these policemen smiled at me (not to me really), perhaps I was gesticulating wildly, and nodding to myself. And by the time I reached Walden (local book store) I was filled with this oneness with the city and for once I felt that I was just this pedestrian walking the footpath, or a customer at the book shop. I felt sexless and well, even invisible in a good way. And fell in love with Hyderabad once again.
thank you P

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