Saturday, October 15, 2005

Cruel Intentions/Fancy/Whim/Latent Homosexuality?

What is it with girls? I am constantly complaining (to no one in particular) about how cruel girls are. My friends are sometimes telling me that I am too shy in front of them. Well they don���t say it too nicely though. They say something like, ���tui boshei thak onnora eshe other potie niye jaabe��� if you did not understand that it���s ok with me. And there are these straight or almost straight girls who treat me in a way that I am left really confused. Some are just fine, laughing at my mock advances and sometimes responding in such a way that I know that it is all fun. Not that it doesn���t hurt sometimes cos sometimes I can be half serious and they full joking, but what hurts and confuses me most is when girls who know me so well, give mixed signals. When, let���s say, drunk, they behave (or act) as if they are so into me, that that heterosexual relationship they are in is not really a happy one, but something which meets social conditions. I, even if not really interested in her sexually, begin having these regrets and start cursing society��色�色��.blah blah. And then they just switch off. Just like that. Telling me how wonderful a time they have with their boyfriends, or what a good-looking guy they met on the train...Etc. and I am left feeling like a fool. It is not society really that is stopping them. And if it really is then let���s not even talk about it. To rouse the need in me and then to leave me high and dry is just cruel. But I can���t say anything, because other than just hurt and betrayal, I don���t feel anything. I don���t always feel the need or desire for them. And when I am back to feeling fine and all ready to forgive someone comes up with a statement that means, ���so I am just a friend to you? Nothing more���?
NO NO NO NO.

Nothing more. Why should you be? If you are a friend then try loving me and not hurting me. And if you can���t help yourself then ��安ell��� learn to. I hate it when straight girls expect something like love or lust from me but are unable to or simply unwilling to respond. Play all these games with some guy you are eyeing. Leave me out of it!!!!!

4 comments:

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mizfit said...

i think, all should wear their sexuality as badges. badges like,'straight, kinky, lusting for miss.*' or 'gender queer, bisexual, single and intends to remain so'. things wud b so easy for both of us, hai na? we wud know whom to hit on n whom to avoid. the downside is, we wud b stripped of the agonising yet often pleasant thoughts of wondering ,"perhaps she/he likes me, perhaps not."

beas hyphasis said...

it made melaugh the blog becuase its the exact situation i face with guys, when they want the attention they will come for it like moths to fire but when they are satisfied then they are just "buddies to you". So its not only girls its guys too...... i kind of see it as power relations, u always have the reins in ur hand- meaning dont give attention when they need it then they will be dissatisfied and keep coming for more, all girls and guys like chasing so keep on making them chase! and they will go on doing tht.they will come to you themselves then and tht way ur always playing arnd and dont get involved, u will end up with the right person when u dont have to play with him or her to get him, thts my belief at least!

beas hyphasis said...

do i sound like a bitch in tht one? i didnt mean to but i am saying this a bit from personal experience, my best friends are those with whom i do not have to play!