Friday, October 28, 2005
Am I A Lesbian?
I had a 2 ���o��� clock class today, and had a bath and dressed and rushed to class, only to find that she was not going to take class for more than 30 mins, so 3 of us sat on the water tank, and talked till about 6 ( yes! 2:30-6, the freedom of student hood). Roshni suddenly said something like there is nothing like bisexuality, either one is lying to oneself, or is lying to others (in not so few words of course). I was startled cos at once I took that as a personal jibe. And my ears went red. But before I could say anything, Charmian got in and said some things, which kind of cooled Roshni, and I kept stuttering and trying to say that how could someone who is gay or straight say if bisexuality exists or not, and how it feels like? Of course, neither I nor Roshni is sure she is straight, she calls herself homophilliac. I was so embarrassed throughout, cos it���s like one has to fight for their right to sexual preference.
Later she told me that she was referring to these other girls on campus, who think it is cool to call oneself Bi. I guess I was kind of upset. Then she started to say things which made me feel that she wants me to realise that I am gay, and stop calling myself Bi.
And I realised for the umpteenth time that I am so screwed up sexually, that I don���t think of it at all. If I were not screwed up, why would I be a 23 year old virgin?