Friday, October 28, 2005

Am I A Lesbian?

I had a 2 ���o��� clock class today, and had a bath and dressed and rushed to class, only to find that she was not going to take class for more than 30 mins, so 3 of us sat on the water tank, and talked till about 6 ( yes! 2:30-6, the freedom of student hood). Roshni suddenly said something like there is nothing like bisexuality, either one is lying to oneself, or is lying to others (in not so few words of course). I was startled cos at once I took that as a personal jibe. And my ears went red. But before I could say anything, Charmian got in and said some things, which kind of cooled Roshni, and I kept stuttering and trying to say that how could someone who is gay or straight say if bisexuality exists or not, and how it feels like? Of course, neither I nor Roshni is sure she is straight, she calls herself homophilliac. I was so embarrassed throughout, cos it���s like one has to fight for their right to sexual preference.
Later she told me that she was referring to these other girls on campus, who think it is cool to call oneself Bi. I guess I was kind of upset. Then she started to say things which made me feel that she wants me to realise that I am gay, and stop calling myself Bi.
And I realised for the umpteenth time that I am so screwed up sexually, that I don���t think of it at all. If I were not screwed up, why would I be a 23 year old virgin?


mizfit said...

does grey exist? it does and in so many varying shades. it doesn't mean that black and white dont exist. they do but then, so does grey. bisexuality is the grey of sexuality. tell roshini that on behalf of me.

Georgiapeach said...
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uglygirl said...

I kinda cant say loudly that i am a bi-sexual, cos i feel i'll be judged as someone, who just wants to sound cool(many suposedly do that at my university) so instead i say, "i like girls" but call myself a bi(amongst other things).
about why i call myself uglygirl, you can read my post on

my post of oct 23rd
P.S Am checking your blog now.

Bill Jones, Jr said...

I have found that all forms of sexuality exist. Maybe that's because I'm in my 40's. I once had a girlfriend (who was coincidentally Indian) who was absolutely bi-sexual. Her sexuality was tied to her emotions. She was attracted to anyone she felt deeply connected to. She loved men, eventually married, but never stopped wanting to be with women too.

People now think bisexuality is something unreal, like they used to think be gay could be overcome.

Be you. You're already great at that.