Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start)
I met luckyLips in college. I was so clueless then (and so blissful in my ignorance)
Not that I was not aware of my feelings towards the same sex, but silly me! I thought that’s the way the whole world was. He he…I thought it was weird to like only the opposite sex. That’s the way I thought. That’s the way aha aha…
Can you believe it?
And its not that I was a young thing either. I was 18. An adult. And was living in such a straight world that I did not even know what heterosexuality is. (Yes that is not an error)
So this fool goes to college and within a few weeks her friends of few weeks tell her that she is a lesbian. She probably could not hide her excitement in an all girls’ college. And she is like “um… but I like boys toh!”
Friends chorus—“so you must be bisexual”
Fool thinks, “Yippee I have a name”!!
LuckyLips was one of the chorus. But she was not too vocal. She too was thinking for her burning lust for women from time tot time, her desire for gay men from time to time, her desire to be a man from time to time.
So she kept quiet, and observed UglyGirl. And amazed at her bindaas (lets pretend it’s a legit English word eh!?)
LuckyLips watched UG and fell in love.
I swear she did.
She told me so.
“UG isn’t all that ugly”, the mirror says.
So anyways luckyLips fell in love.
She told her friends, the chorus.
The chorus sang. “Go tell her that”.
And she tried you know. She tried telling UG, but UG behaved like the fool that she was.
And did not know how to react to luckyLips, LuckyLips with her ripe swollen lips, LuckyLips with those vulnerable eyes. Brash UG did not want to hurt luckyLips. For once she wanted to be careful with someone else’s emotions.
She asked the chorus for advice.
The same chorus which had called her gay was now proclaiming her straight.
And I could go on like this but I want to get to that Macbeth class.
The classroom was dingy and was the last class of the day. LuckyLips and UG sat next to each other and soon went breathless with chemistry.
Has anyone felt that? I mean before that day and after that day. I have been aroused (around other people) but I have never felt breathless with chemistry. We could not move, we could not ….do anything but sit inches apart and grin and blush.
I gave in after that day to that feeling.
And we started seeing each other. So tame that sounds after the chemistry lessons in the literature class. And then I broke up with her. Because…….well I don’t know. There were many reasons. It’s already been established through this blog that am a coward in love. So it might not come as a huge surprise to the readers of this post that I got scared of the things I was feeling. (Refer to post ‘chemistry is a scary thing’ and the sitting on the block of ice wala post).
And yes there were other reasons.
Anyway soon she started seeing this other guy.
The chorus seeing how I pushed pretty LuckyLips into that guy’s waiting arms, sang “you are so straight…..you never loved her”.
Here I will make a small note in italics about being gay and out. You have to like constantly be in love or wanting or thinking of the same sex, or else they will declare you straight. Not so much gay people as much bi s I guess. If a bisexual woman has a boyfriend and has not been seen flirting with a woman will be declared straight. And that is not a good thing eh! You revealed a fraud. Well this is what my experience in CIEFL was. Every where else…..homosexuality? What homosexuality? ‘Khaye ki mathay day’ (that’s bong.)
Yeah so getting back to the story I was telling.
For years I felt guilty about the way I treated her.
We stayed friends all over these years but I felt uncomfortable, cos I thought something was clearly being wasted---chemistry (again that word!!!) and then I was not sure I want to get into a relationship/or whatever feeling so strongly physically for that person (the sentence is so screwed up! Gaah!)
One day I was watching ‘boys don’t cry’ and was like missing LuckyLips so much….. Though we had like spoken every day of the week almost. And I was feeling these things and I gave it a name by telling her ‘I love you’.
Here I realised one more thing (many friends may already know it of me) I am more cautious about women than I am about women. If LL were a man we would have been best friends by now after having had gone around for a year or so.
Here’s to LuckyLips with her pretty pink lips and cute cute tongue. I love her and she is mine.