Friday, July 23, 2010

28 and still at it.

Over and Out. No. Not Yet. But I am finding it difficult to enjoy the life I have created around me for me. Every bit of it is my doing. And that, now that I think of it, is exhilirating in itself. Especially, this – I accept it's my own doing. However, I am drowning in a vat of unrequited love. I know, I know. Yikes. Sounds artificial and pretentious and brought on by self. Yes Yes. Sounds almost like an excuse to mope. Must Be. But It's back. Omnipresence of Melancholy. I can't see beyond a grey haze of regret, of what-could-have-been and unrequited lust, but of course. Pity Party - But of course. Even as I write this much, I am engulfed by sadness. Sadness, which brings real-life tears to my eyes. The tears in themselves are not not uncommon. But Usually I shed them for fictional life/love/death I see on screen. But of late, all my tears are for me. My 28th Birthday is around the corner of time. I feel the magic of that age will bring some sort of revelation upon me and when I wake up on Monday I will be a different person again and I will be able to cross a gap of some sort and 'Get Over' to the otherside. Where there is no drama, neither within nor without. Where I just am. At peace. Feeling unmitigated joy. Unadulterated. Where lonliness is welcomed and seen as more 'me' time. Where I start again to depend on myself for love (and sex :) and stop trying to fill voids. Let me enjoy the voids. I also want my energy back. I have been sleeping a lot in the past few weeks. And all of this points to a bad thing. But that I am aware of it is half the battle won. Right? So I wake up tomorrow and start to do one thing differently everyday.
  1. wake up an hour earlier everyday.
  2. Thus go to sleep an hour earlier everyday.
  3. Walk 3 kms during the day or night everyday.
  4. Smoke 1 cigarette less everyday as compared to the previous week.
  5. Don't give the friday club night a miss for any reason.
  6. Write in blog everyday.
  7. Get a dog? A cat?
  8. Watch 4 movies every week.
  9. Read 2 books every week.

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