Sunday, January 17, 2010
For some peace
Sometimes when you say you are sad, your friends assume it's because you are fat or broke or single. Yeah yeah, it's all that. And more. And you do things like quitting your cushy cushy job. Losing your cushy cushy weight. And you meet someone new and you are deliriously 'happy' but you are uncomfortable and high. You are forever hoping that may be this time someone will understand you. And then it's not so. And now you are sad and it's still uncomfortable but still a 'high.' Does alcohol, love and sadness feel the same to you? Do they all feel the same as meeting someone new and funny? Are you constantly watching your moods and observing them and you are still unable to control them. And soon 'happiness' feels like a fake, external state that dies down in the morning or when something or someone around you leaves the room. Happiness then wasn't in you, but in the connection you felt with her fallible, unpredictable surroundings.