Sunday, January 17, 2010

For some peace

Sometimes when you say you are sad, your friends assume it's because you are fat or broke or single. Yeah yeah, it's all that. And more. And you do things like quitting your cushy cushy job. Losing your cushy cushy weight. And you meet someone new and you are deliriously 'happy' but you are uncomfortable and high. You are forever hoping that may be this time someone will understand you. And then it's not so. And now you are sad and it's still uncomfortable but still a 'high.' Does alcohol, love and sadness feel the same to you? Do they all feel the same as meeting someone new and funny? Are you constantly watching your moods and observing them and you are still unable to control them. And soon 'happiness' feels like a fake, external state that dies down in the morning or when something or someone around you leaves the room. Happiness then wasn't in you, but in the connection you felt with her fallible, unpredictable surroundings.


medusa said...

but happiness not out there, and its not in here either. its a futile futile attempt to look for it, cause there is no such thing.
the antidote is shopping and a numbing overdose of chick lit.

rita said...

Your moods are like no one elses... that is why you are a poet & I'm not. :) I love reading your stuff. XXOO

uglygirl said...

@Medusa: There is no Happiness. Happiness is not the Good thing, and sadness the bad. We born, We feel both, We Die. To Shop is to look for happiness too, unless you really need what you are buying. And that's not an Antidote. It's akin to looking for love, family, friends, compliments, and hoping in this experience, we will feel happiness. S o fucking fleeting no? And so mind fucking. Happiness tricks us into believing, we can never stop feeling like this (same as sadness).

@Rita: I was telling a friend about you and how you have grown.