The whole country is thinking of
rape now. Since Sunday, rape is on their mind. “The Delhi incident” I have
heard it being referred to in more formal situation and in male-female
interaction, skillfully avoiding the word ‘Rape.’ Men and women bother all over
the country are horrified. Facebook statuses are showcasing the shock, the
anger and the helplessness. Denizens are asking for death penalties and public
hangings and such (I saw a couple of pictures of something horrible happening
in Lebanon and shuddered!!)
Having had this fear of rape
since I was a child of 4 or 5 (I was a precocious kid) I have some very precise
thoughts on this. And I know I can’t be alone in this. I am sure all women in
the country if not the world have had and continue to have feelings like this.
And it’s just not fear; things come to pass - a grope, a slap on the ass, an elbow
in the chest and the like and believe it or not once a kiss on the knee. It all
was horrible. It didn’t affect me physically, at least not beyond a few
moments, but the feeling of invasion of space remains, mostly forever. The fear
of rape changes a woman’s quality of life. I have never taken a walk alone or
sat alone or stood alone in public without being guarded, stoic, making no
eye-contact. Alone, (and sometimes with my sister and other girl friends) I
have never let that guard down. I am always careful with my interaction with
strange men. I trust no one. After the knee kissing incident, I don’t behave
very well with anyone. Sometimes I am extra aggressive if I feel that someone
is coming into my private space. I am very mean. And friends (guys) wonder and
ask why I am so confrontational and mean and aggressive. I don’t know what to
tell them. All of that comes from being cold and being possessive of my
personal space.
Most men (and some women and
society in general) don’t understand a very simple thing. When a girl is
harassed or eve-teased, the men in her life feel really bad. The first reaction
is probably, “If I were there, I would have hit/hurt/killed him.” The second
reaction, “Why were you there?” Why were you walking alone in the night? Why were
you walking near a slum area? Why did you take that auto? Why did you take that
route? I have been asked these questions some time or the other. I have fought
and reclaimed my right to do what I want. Even at the risk of extreme harm, I
will not let anyone take over my independence.
More thoughts on this coming up
soon…
