i am, i am, i am

We are all human beings and we are living. The purpose of our creation ends there. No? We born we live we die. Whether I live in the gutter and do nothing the rest of my life. The destiny of my humanity is still fulfilled. No? Will my earning a lot of money make me a better human being? More successful perhaps. Right? Especially in the society we live. What if I shun the society I live in. I shun religion. I shun all gods. I shun all traditions. Why? May be cos I understand them and can reason them away in my head. Then what am I to do with this life I have been given? I born I live I die.. does it matter how I live? Does it matter how I die? If nothing within the society makes sense to me. Not 'love,' not 'marriage,' not even 'relationships,' and I see them as tools to achieve happiness. Of the momentary, short-lived kinds. Which is akin to sadness really because, you know the 2 sides of a coin and everything. If everything society stands for is just momentary high-inducing shit (oh yes! I did) why can't I just turn to alcohol instead and get my high form there? Why does my 'High' have to be society approved? Who died and made society the king anyway? I know I know. You will now say, “that is no way to live. In a drunken stupor. In the gutter.” Why? Oh but why? Will raking in millions by the time of retirement make you a better human being? Or being the parents of 3 disillusioned/spoilt/nice/rude/well-behaved kids make you a better human being? And if I want to live and die with the view of humanity. And just that. Can I not do it outside of society. Away from society approved rules of living and judgments? Of course I wish I was simpler, instilled miraculously with some morals, judgments, biases. And that the ability to understand everything and everyone and accept all eluded me. I might have lived a 'happier' more ignorant life. But it is not so. I am not simple. Though very simple things make me happy. A good night's sleep fills me with peace. The rains. My dog's devotion. My ability to still pray and hope. My belief that I am loved by my parents. My friends. They all make me happy. These and many other small, seemingly unimportant (in the more practical side of life) things in my life make me delirious with happiness. No. more than that. They make me feel peaceful. Secure. They make me calm. They re-instill in me the feeling of humanity and answer the question, “why was I born?” or “what am I doing here?"