picked

There were hundreds before you
Smells you still smell for sure
Under his shoe
It’s not your fault baby,
He tricked you
He picked you,
Not out of the blue.
He’s been standing outside your window for 17 years now,
He caught you,
He ate you,
And you smiled like a fool.
You smelt your heart,
as he fed it to you.
He crushed your eyeballs with his toe,
He tricked you
He picked you
Not out of the blue.
It’s not your fault baby,
He’s smelt out girls, Young and new,
before too.
17 years he stood outside your window,
With your eyeballs under his shoe,
You couldn’t know.
It’s not your fault baby,
He tricked you
He picked you,
Not out of the blue.

July is almost here and soon august will be too. 1 year since you died rosh! And I still talk to you. I am beginning to mention you in conversations and people freeze a little everytime. My birthday Rosh, do you remember the last one? Beginning of the end really! So many signs, we just dint see. That Thursday, I wanted to tell you not to leave, but instead we discussed turtles and CSAT. I dreamt of you 2 days back and cried in my sleep. We were where I usually am in my dreams, my school. Babe! I rejoiced in your love for me. At its fullness, at its unconditionalness. You were my first death and you weren’t here to help me deal with it. Baby, I never said, I am completely in love with you! Am sorry I never said but I know you knew. So much more I want to write to you. We were the ones for reminiscing na? But I want to stop before am too sad. I think you will be happy to see the changes I am making to my life. Ironically, if you were alive, I wouldn’t have left Google or the people. In your death Roshni Poshni, I seek meaning.

That's That!

I quit. A year too late? Totally! But just in time before I died some more of a plastic death. Did I hate all of them? No …mostly I was surprised at being wondered about. And that I was scary or just intimidating. Why did I fail to see that side of me? I think its my complete neuroticism, my complete self-awareness. Should I evaluate? What I lost and what I gained? I lost a mostly. 2 friends, some of my innocence. Some ideas and creativity leaked out of my intestines, slowly. I gained an aura of inapproachability, a reputation, both befuddled me. Will I miss it? Do I miss anything? Not really…the people, the ghosts? Am I leaving roshni behind? Can I even ask that? Don’t I know that answer?

Mri Nabo Saran Mani, I will try not to forget them, I will try to keep in touch, to keep them alive. I made friends of them when I thought I was too dead to make any. That’s important. I have been ridding myself of any extra baggage which has kept me from loving. Envious, stupid friends who leeched on me, eating up my energy and giving me nothing back. I leave you here. Insensitive friends who pretended to love me all the while rejoicing in my pain. I leave you here.

Gossip mongers of Google, read me. I’ll keep you abreast of me. I hate you guys for not having the courage to speak to me about me. I would have given you an year’s supply of scandal…ha ha…

What will I miss of these 3 years? I can't believe that the answer is still the same. Sir, you were like my father to me, more so because I was not born to you. You are Google to me. I will never forget you. I believe you like me too. I hope 2 years later, you will not forget my name and say,"her name started with an A, she was an optimizer.” :)

Do I want to name any people I hated in my blog? Oh! I hated so many of you! Sylvestor ass! You are one ugly dude, inside and outside! People I liked, some of you knew that but for the most of you I was shy. Yes! Me!

Hamsi, I love you! Preetha, I liked you, albeit at the end. Itsax, I never knew you but I always wanted to. Sundeep Paul, you are a sweetheart! Thank you for the innumerable cigarettes you lend me and for you awesome earphones. The others, if I looked or smiled at you, I liked you, if I looked through you, I didn’t. The 2 men I found attractive enough to make an effort to speak to you. I will miss seeing you around. :) The one woman I found just lovely, you will never know :(

Shade

word games between friends at night time

Me: I give a word and you give me another
immediately
mad: after
what hapnd?
Me: is after your word?
i was adjusting myself
mad: i thought immediately was urs
Me: no
ok
mad: ok lets play
Me: ok
mad: btw talking to u always makes me happy
Me: :)
i start
AFTER
mad: ok
over
Me: START
mad: END
Me: GAME
mad: PLAY
Me: BOY
mad: GIRL\
Me: LOVE
mad: YOU
Me: LONDON
mad: COLD
Me: NOS
EE
NOSE
mad: TONGUE
Me: RING
mad: EAR
Me: TICKLE
mad: LAUGH
Me: CRY
mad: SAD
Me: DEATH
mad: NOTHING
Me: ok ok...now you start with a word
mad: ok
HELL
Me: GIRL
mad: HEAVEN
Me: EARTH
mad: MYTH
Me: GREEK
mad: FIGHT
Me: CLUB
mad: DANCE
Me: DISCO
mad: LOVE
Me: LUST
mad: YOUNG
Me: OLD
mad: INNOCENT
Me: PNK
OINK
PINK
mad: :)
TAME
Me: HORSE
mad: KINKY
Me: PANTIES
mad: LOL
now u
Me: :)
FLOOR
mad: NIGHT
Me: PILLOW
mad: SLEEP
Me: AWAKE
mad: RISE
Me: BATH
mad: WATER
Me: GLASS
mad: PANE
Me: AIR
mad: BREATH
Me: FREE
mad: SPIRIT
Me: VODKA
mad: ABSOLUT
Me: SHINY
mad: BALLS
Me: CRICKET
mad: MATCH
Me: CIGGY
mad: SMOKE
Me: LUNGS
mad: CANCER
:d
Me: :(
TRAINSPOTTING
mad: LOVE
Me: ROSHNI
mad: ROSHNI

Old friends,

float around

in the outer bounds of the greens

That is my failing memory.

And I am whole today,

Supported by the bright

Plank of time.

Forgetful

of the once green friends.

life and all its seedy little friendships can go to hell.